Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell + my Home Video Horrors

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Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder From Hell is a 62 minute, shot on 8mm Japanese remake of The Evil Dead trilogy that has inexplicably found its way onto DVD here in the UK.

It’s bonkers, a lovingly crafted homage to 80s splatter comedies that manages a couple of decent scares before letting the OTT splatter scenes take precedence.

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Despite being three people in a couple of identical looking rooms, there’s ambition to spare, particularly the frequent stop motion effects work and the excellent ambient score that sounds like something out of a Silent Hill video game, though the less said about the incongruous techno tracks the better…

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I wonder if remaking The Evil Dead is some kind of rites of passage for young horror fans. I only ask because, back in 1994, I did the same thing in SCOTTISH NINJA 9: THE UNHOLY DEAD.

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That’s me on the left, with the Manchester United goalie top and unfortunate bowl haircut.

The Scottish Ninja series started in 1990 when my friends and I were 8 years old, but after making eight of them in four years, we were starting to run out of ideas. This is why, one Summer afternoon, I got together with my friends Duncan and David and remade The Evil Dead. Of course, I was the only one out of the three that had even seen the film, so I gave them the basics and we improvised the rest of the movie.

The wonders of childhood imagination!

We shot in my granny’s house, which was rife with such chilling props as…THE BOOGIE WOOGIE POLKA SONGBOOK!

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Costumes were limited, so when we killed off Duncan in the first few minutes…

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…we created a new character, who looked very similar to Duncan but was wearing a hat, sunglasses and a chain around his neck.

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See? Different person altogether. When that character died after a gruesome scalping…

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…we brought him back again as a new character, this time with a moustache and a different hat.

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Has there ever been a better example of the magic of cinema? If nothing else, those trousers are a great example of the magic of 90s fashion.

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I tried to stick to the plot of The Evil Dead as much as possible, and there’s a lengthy scene where I go on about Sumerian burial rites and Kandarian daggers and funerary incantations.

Guys, I was 12 years old. Horror bit me young, and it bit me hard. It’s hard to see, but for much of the film I’m wearing a Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein t-shirt.

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To this day, I’ve still never seen the film.

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This shot was my attempt to pay homage to Steve Christie’s death in Friday the 13th. I repeat: I was 12.

Luckily though, we knew how to have a good time, and the film ends in…

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…an improvised song and dance number.

Isn’t this how all films are supposed to end?

I finally wrapped up the Scottish Ninja series in 2013, with a Swedish language black and white movie shot almost entirely in slow motion and starring my parents.

Sometimes, life can be just great.

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3 Responses to Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell + my Home Video Horrors

  1. lysette says:

    Omg!!! You had me dying at the title ‘Scottish Ninja 9’ and it only got better from there! Otherwise I am rendered speechless by those pants and the ’90’s memories they evoke.

    Like

    • Scottish Ninja…the series that would not die. So many good memories! Did you ever make any horror home movies? I still do, although it’s only my parents that ever want to be in them – I’ll be uploading our most recent disasterpiece to my new Youtube channel soon, a fully improvised zombie movie starring Boris, shot on holiday last year.

      Like

      • lysette says:

        I can’t wait to see that! I have one video I made for a law class project in high school. I called it Vigilante Justice and there was a flavor of Blade Runner in it. Ironically, my friend who stared in it is now a defense lawyer. I think I got a pretty good mark on the project too.

        Like

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